Monday, February 25, 2008
The Scent Memory of a Chaplain
One of the strange side effects of being a chaplain at a level one trauma center I did not expect is my new library of scent memories. I recall somebody somewhere with a fancy degree has said that our scent memory is the most accurate form of memory we have and triggers subconscious responses based on past experiences connected to that smell. neat, nifty, wonderful... if you're a pastry chef or a florist. But I now have these smells burned into my memory with images and emotions that nightmarish and horrific... very surreal. I have the almost sweet metallic smell of blood dried and caked and flowing freely mixing with images of disfigured bodies and trauma room chaos, exposed body parts, and frantic and crying family members. I see images of bereft patients and families talking close to my face with the smell of vomit and bad breath passing over me. When I smell stale urine, I remember rumaging through the urine saoked clothes on a dead man, looking for something that might tell me who he is or who might want to know he's died. The smell of excrement recalls images of patients soiling their beds as they talk to me. If there is a body fluid smell out there, I've got a sad or atrocious memory to match it. I don't have nightmares about my scent memories. But I do have those flashes of memory interrupt my thoughts when I pass by or catch a whiff of something similar. It reminds me that I am human. Underneath the logical analysis, mountaintop mystical experiences, and amazing sentience, I am still literally flesh and blood. Nothing more humbling than the reminder that I am a sack of fluids held up on a frame of bones, working on electrical impulses. It also reminds me that despite my calmer demeanor and more efficient manner regarding trauma and suffering, I am still affected. My heart is not stone, my soul is not numb. I've smelt suffering, I've smelt death. Of course I know I will also die. The point worth remembering, however, is that today I live.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Sincere Prayer, a sermon
Sincere Prayer, a sermon delivered October 28, 2007
Luke 18:9-14
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt: ‘Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax-collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax-collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.” But the tax-collector, standing far off, would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast and saying, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.’
In today’s gospel reading, Jesus tells a parable about a Pharisee and a tax collector praying. The moral of the story is clearly stated at the end. He tells us the humbled will be exalted and the exalted will be humbled. So, what else is there to talk about? If it were that easy, however, I’m not sure Jesus would have to tell us a parable to get the message across. So, maybe looking from a different angle might help us struggle for deeper meanings into this story Jesus told. To help us with that, let me tell you a different story.
Two men went inside a church to pray, one a minister and the other a drug dealer. The minister, standing right before the cross, prayed for the blessings he and his church received, for the financial and charitable giving of the church’s members, the new addition to their building and the great work being done there. The drug dealer, at the back of the sanctuary, with bowed head, clutched his chest and whispered “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”
How does that change the parable for you? I know that for me, putting it into a modern day context drastically changes the way I feel about the text. In Jesus’ story, the Pharisees were not priests, but they were teachers and leaders in following the traditions of the Hebrew faith. They desired to bring the Tanakh, the Hebrew scriptures to the people, so they could listen and interpret together. They wished to take the word of God seriously and follow it with eager hearts. In those ways, they emulate many of the same traits the contemporary Christian ministers do. There are several modern examples of how a tax collector would be treated today. I chose one that I know challenges my own biases: a drug dealer. The tax-collector was not your friendly IRS agent, he was a henchman for the Roman Empire. He was not just a non-holy person, but an unclean person, a despised sinner of their world who disobeys God. I imagine that while not identical, the drug dealer of today’s world and tax collector of their world, might have some things in common. Because in my mind, whether it’s fair or not, a drug dealer is not a victim, but someone who takes advantage of other people. So, it’s hard for me to imagine a drug dealer desiring forgiveness and mercy from God, let alone God granting it so readily. If it weren’t for the words of Jesus here and in other stories, I’m not sure I would think it’s possible. But Jesus not only tells us it is possible, but that God prefers the type of prayer the tax collector made.
Jesus says that just because I am a “good” person, just because I am NOT like “them”, the thieves, rogues, adulterers, tax-collectors… or drug dealers… does not mean I am favored in the eyes of God. Attending church every week does not a good prayer make.
Not only that, through this parable, he tells us that saying a prayer is not the same as meaning the prayer. He’s not saying that all prayers of blessing and thanksgiving are unheard by God. God does hear our praises and thanks. He’s saying that the Pharisee was not truly open to the voice and presence of God. Notice, Jesus describes the tax collector’s prayer in detail, saying he “would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast” while all he says of the Pharisee is that he “was standing by himself”. Perhaps there was nothing of note to the Pharisee’s emotional expression, though by his smug words, I can imagine all kinds of arrogant postures. But Jesus demonstrated the tax collector’s vulnerability and openness to God, even though he probably wasn’t even sure if God would listen. I’m not sure I can I imagine what a tax collector’s life would have been like back then… I’m not even sure I really can imagine a drug dealer’s life today, for that matter. But I would imagine that in their lives there may be types of pain and suffering I’ve never experienced. To lay oneself before a God I wasn’t even sure existed, let alone could see me, if I was that drug dealer, I’m not sure I could take such a risk and be so vulnerable as to pray for mercy.
At every worship here in the chapel, we say a prayer of confession, admitting to God that we have faults. We also say prayers of petition for others, prayers of healing, prayers of thanksgiving. How do we keep ourselves from being like that Pharisee and praying an empty prayer? How do we “keep it real” with God? The gospel text says that we should remain humble and not “exalt ourselves” over others or think we are so righteous. But how do we do that?
Different Christian traditions respond differently on how to “keep it real” with God. Some practices, such as centering prayer or labyrinths encourage “emptying our minds” and opening ourselves to God that way. Others feel that too much ritual impedes true communion with God and rely heavily upon spontaneous extemporaneous prayer. Both of these styles, while on the outside appearing very different, are attempting to do the same thing, evoke emotion, or perhaps evoke the Holy Spirit or even bring us to that mountaintop experience. These styles of prayer tell us to not be passive in our prayers, but to actively expose our true selves to God.
There are dozens more styles of prayer out there. In fact, for every person alive, there are that many approaches or more. How do you connect to God? When do you find yourself opening to God’s presence? Some people set up disciplines for themselves, but others don’t. It can happen during church services. I know that for me, often I feel that openness right after receiving communion. The story of Jesus moves me to feel humble and grateful and desiring God’s loving forgiveness. Other times, I just cry out for God. Although the accident was almost 10 years ago, I remember with vivid detail the milliseconds I felt my car spinning and hitting one guard rail and spinning and hitting the opposite guardrail. All I cried out was “Oh God! Oh God!” with such desperation and fear. But when I did, I felt God’s presence. At the time, I still didn’t know if I would live or die, but I knew God was with me and my fear diminished for those few moments. We don’t always feel such clear responses from God, but sometimes just risking the question, the petition is the first step towards our own journey of healing and keeping it real with God.
We in today’s society are just as guilty of thinking the prayers of a minister hold more weight than the average joe, and most especially that of a drug dealer. We trust that just by the position a minister holds, the prayers have more power. But what Jesus tells us in this parable is that in a prayer to God, it does not matter what position you hold in society, what matters is the depth of sincerity and honesty in your prayer. As we sit here in chapel today, or watching in your rooms, we participate in rituals and forms of prayer that encourage us to connect to God. I invite you to see this worship as an opportunity to open yourself to God. I also invite you to find what best suits you to be sincere and honest in your attempt to connect with God. May we continue to learn and grow through the reading and contemplation of this and other gospel readings. Amen.
Luke 18:9-14
He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt: ‘Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax-collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax-collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.” But the tax-collector, standing far off, would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast and saying, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.’
In today’s gospel reading, Jesus tells a parable about a Pharisee and a tax collector praying. The moral of the story is clearly stated at the end. He tells us the humbled will be exalted and the exalted will be humbled. So, what else is there to talk about? If it were that easy, however, I’m not sure Jesus would have to tell us a parable to get the message across. So, maybe looking from a different angle might help us struggle for deeper meanings into this story Jesus told. To help us with that, let me tell you a different story.
Two men went inside a church to pray, one a minister and the other a drug dealer. The minister, standing right before the cross, prayed for the blessings he and his church received, for the financial and charitable giving of the church’s members, the new addition to their building and the great work being done there. The drug dealer, at the back of the sanctuary, with bowed head, clutched his chest and whispered “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”
How does that change the parable for you? I know that for me, putting it into a modern day context drastically changes the way I feel about the text. In Jesus’ story, the Pharisees were not priests, but they were teachers and leaders in following the traditions of the Hebrew faith. They desired to bring the Tanakh, the Hebrew scriptures to the people, so they could listen and interpret together. They wished to take the word of God seriously and follow it with eager hearts. In those ways, they emulate many of the same traits the contemporary Christian ministers do. There are several modern examples of how a tax collector would be treated today. I chose one that I know challenges my own biases: a drug dealer. The tax-collector was not your friendly IRS agent, he was a henchman for the Roman Empire. He was not just a non-holy person, but an unclean person, a despised sinner of their world who disobeys God. I imagine that while not identical, the drug dealer of today’s world and tax collector of their world, might have some things in common. Because in my mind, whether it’s fair or not, a drug dealer is not a victim, but someone who takes advantage of other people. So, it’s hard for me to imagine a drug dealer desiring forgiveness and mercy from God, let alone God granting it so readily. If it weren’t for the words of Jesus here and in other stories, I’m not sure I would think it’s possible. But Jesus not only tells us it is possible, but that God prefers the type of prayer the tax collector made.
Jesus says that just because I am a “good” person, just because I am NOT like “them”, the thieves, rogues, adulterers, tax-collectors… or drug dealers… does not mean I am favored in the eyes of God. Attending church every week does not a good prayer make.
Not only that, through this parable, he tells us that saying a prayer is not the same as meaning the prayer. He’s not saying that all prayers of blessing and thanksgiving are unheard by God. God does hear our praises and thanks. He’s saying that the Pharisee was not truly open to the voice and presence of God. Notice, Jesus describes the tax collector’s prayer in detail, saying he “would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast” while all he says of the Pharisee is that he “was standing by himself”. Perhaps there was nothing of note to the Pharisee’s emotional expression, though by his smug words, I can imagine all kinds of arrogant postures. But Jesus demonstrated the tax collector’s vulnerability and openness to God, even though he probably wasn’t even sure if God would listen. I’m not sure I can I imagine what a tax collector’s life would have been like back then… I’m not even sure I really can imagine a drug dealer’s life today, for that matter. But I would imagine that in their lives there may be types of pain and suffering I’ve never experienced. To lay oneself before a God I wasn’t even sure existed, let alone could see me, if I was that drug dealer, I’m not sure I could take such a risk and be so vulnerable as to pray for mercy.
At every worship here in the chapel, we say a prayer of confession, admitting to God that we have faults. We also say prayers of petition for others, prayers of healing, prayers of thanksgiving. How do we keep ourselves from being like that Pharisee and praying an empty prayer? How do we “keep it real” with God? The gospel text says that we should remain humble and not “exalt ourselves” over others or think we are so righteous. But how do we do that?
Different Christian traditions respond differently on how to “keep it real” with God. Some practices, such as centering prayer or labyrinths encourage “emptying our minds” and opening ourselves to God that way. Others feel that too much ritual impedes true communion with God and rely heavily upon spontaneous extemporaneous prayer. Both of these styles, while on the outside appearing very different, are attempting to do the same thing, evoke emotion, or perhaps evoke the Holy Spirit or even bring us to that mountaintop experience. These styles of prayer tell us to not be passive in our prayers, but to actively expose our true selves to God.
There are dozens more styles of prayer out there. In fact, for every person alive, there are that many approaches or more. How do you connect to God? When do you find yourself opening to God’s presence? Some people set up disciplines for themselves, but others don’t. It can happen during church services. I know that for me, often I feel that openness right after receiving communion. The story of Jesus moves me to feel humble and grateful and desiring God’s loving forgiveness. Other times, I just cry out for God. Although the accident was almost 10 years ago, I remember with vivid detail the milliseconds I felt my car spinning and hitting one guard rail and spinning and hitting the opposite guardrail. All I cried out was “Oh God! Oh God!” with such desperation and fear. But when I did, I felt God’s presence. At the time, I still didn’t know if I would live or die, but I knew God was with me and my fear diminished for those few moments. We don’t always feel such clear responses from God, but sometimes just risking the question, the petition is the first step towards our own journey of healing and keeping it real with God.
We in today’s society are just as guilty of thinking the prayers of a minister hold more weight than the average joe, and most especially that of a drug dealer. We trust that just by the position a minister holds, the prayers have more power. But what Jesus tells us in this parable is that in a prayer to God, it does not matter what position you hold in society, what matters is the depth of sincerity and honesty in your prayer. As we sit here in chapel today, or watching in your rooms, we participate in rituals and forms of prayer that encourage us to connect to God. I invite you to see this worship as an opportunity to open yourself to God. I also invite you to find what best suits you to be sincere and honest in your attempt to connect with God. May we continue to learn and grow through the reading and contemplation of this and other gospel readings. Amen.
Trading Places, a sermon
A Sermon on Trading Places... delivered September 30, 2007
Luke 16:19-31
'There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man's table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, "Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames." But Abraham said, "Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us." He said, "Then, father, I beg you to send him to my father's house— for I have five brothers—that he may warn them, so that they will not also come into this place of torment." Abraham replied, "They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them." He said, "No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent." He said to him, "If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead." '
Trading places. We all have dreamt of it. What would it be like to live someone else’s life? Just look at the movies out there. For example, mother and daughter want to trade lives in the movie Freaky Friday… The mother asks wasn’t life easier as a teenager? No responsibilities, no worries… And the daughter thinks don’t parents have all the freedom to do whatever they want? But life is not as simple as that. Every life has its own burdens to bear, worries to preoccupy minds. Yet, even during those times we wish to live a different life, there are some lives we don’t wish for. I’ve never met anyone who wishes for a life lived in pain, loneliness or hunger. Those are things we wish to NOT have, so why would we want to think about what it’s like for the man asking for food at the busy street corner? Why would we want to think about a woman struggling for breath in her hospital bed? Why would we want to think about the family evicted from their homes with no where to go? These are not the lives we want to dream about. Well, some might say, because God tells us to… Jesus tells us to, even Paul tells us to. But let’s be honest here, do we always do what we’re told to do? I can tell you for sure I don’t, and in the story Jesus told the rich man didn’t follow Moses or the prophet’s advice very well, either. Even if I did listen to the advice of Jesus, would I even know how to begin imagining what life is like for someone living in a refugee camp in Africa or someone living in prison for a life sentence? I’m not sure I really can. Until I live in someone else’s shoes, I have no idea how hard or how joyous her life may be.
There’s a movie from the 80s some of you might remember, called Trading Places. It has Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy in it. Aykroyd’s character, Louis Winthrop the Third, is a born into wealth commodities broker while Murphy’s character, Billy Ray Valentine, plays a man begging on the streets for money, pretending to be a legless war hero to improve his chances for help. At the start of the movie, the expensively dressed Louis thinks the worst of the scruffy-looking Billy Ray. When they run into each other on the sidewalk, Louis assumes Billy ray was trying to steal his briefcase, calls for the police and presses charges. All Billy Ray was guilty of was trying to help Louis stand and hand him his briefcase. The next day, because of the scheming of two men in power at Louis’ firm, Louis and Billy Ray unknowingly and unwillingly switch places. Billy Ray is offered a job in the brokerage firm and given Louis’s house to live in and servant to work for him. Louis is accused of a crime he didn’t commit, goes to jail, becomes disowned by his friends, and is forced to beg for the help of a prostitute to find a place to sleep and food to eat. I would imagine that for Billy Ray, this turn of events was a dream come true. He surely must have thought what life would be like with all that abundance around him. But did Louis ever dream of becoming accused, abandoned and hungry? Probably not.
The story Jesus shares in Luke 16 is also a story about switching places. A rich man who, after his death, lives for the first time in pain, loneliness and thirst. And a poor man who after suffering his whole life, receives the comfort of being with Abraham after death. I imagine that as long as the rich man had his wealth, he never truly considered what life would be like without his fine linen and sumptuous feasts. I know that when my cupboards are full, it’s hard for me to remember those whose cupboards are empty. When I’m at the store contemplating whether to get cheddar or Monterrey jack cheese, I’m not thinking about people who would think the leftovers starting to mold in my fridge were a feast they’d cherish. So, if we have a hard time following God and Jesus just as the rich man and his brothers had following Moses and the prophets, are we then, like the rich man, doomed to never understand how those around us may be suffering?
There is another way we are reminded of the suffering other’s may be going through. Our own life experience. When I underwent some tests for a potentially terminal condition and waited 6 months to hear a doctor say I wasn’t going to die, I began to understand what others with illnesses that are or may become terminal go through. The agony of waiting, not knowing, feeling like the doctors were giving me the run-around, when really, the doctors were waiting, just like me. And the re-occurring fear that every follow up check will reveal my problems have come back. My experience does not mean I understand everything a woman with breast cancer goes through, or a man with Parkinson’s goes through… but it does mean that I don’t ignore their struggle. It means I ask myself more carefully what it must be like in their shoes. Your life experience may not have potentially terminal diseases in it, but it does have other experiences that help you relate to the strangers you see every day. What kind of struggles do you have in your life? Struggles that make you human, make you closer to others who may appear different in every other way? Have you experienced long periods without food or showers? How about times you felt lost, scared, lonely, or hurt? How do those experiences help you relate to someone you don’t know? Are you able to ask yourself what life must be like in their shoes? I imagine you can and do.
Those moments where you can imagine what life is like for someone else separate us from Louis in Trading Places and the rich man in Jesus’ story. Compassion, caring and action, all in the name of God, through our life experience. Psalm 146 says that God gives food to the hungry, sets the prisoners free, watches over strangers. We, as children of God, are the hands of God acting in the world to do those things.
There may be great chasms dividing us. Differences in income, race, appearance, gender, age, social class DO affect how we treat one another. But we don’t have to wait til death to realize we all experience joy and sorrow, we all are human, trying to get by and be happy.
As the first letter to Timothy says, pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness. Those of us who live richly, with an abundance of food at our table, time in our lives, or energy in our bodies, let us be generous and ready to share. For perhaps, through our own struggles, we can imagine what those with diminished strength, time or energy might be going through. May God bless us on our journey together. Amen.
Luke 16:19-31
'There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man's table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, "Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames." But Abraham said, "Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us." He said, "Then, father, I beg you to send him to my father's house— for I have five brothers—that he may warn them, so that they will not also come into this place of torment." Abraham replied, "They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them." He said, "No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent." He said to him, "If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead." '
Trading places. We all have dreamt of it. What would it be like to live someone else’s life? Just look at the movies out there. For example, mother and daughter want to trade lives in the movie Freaky Friday… The mother asks wasn’t life easier as a teenager? No responsibilities, no worries… And the daughter thinks don’t parents have all the freedom to do whatever they want? But life is not as simple as that. Every life has its own burdens to bear, worries to preoccupy minds. Yet, even during those times we wish to live a different life, there are some lives we don’t wish for. I’ve never met anyone who wishes for a life lived in pain, loneliness or hunger. Those are things we wish to NOT have, so why would we want to think about what it’s like for the man asking for food at the busy street corner? Why would we want to think about a woman struggling for breath in her hospital bed? Why would we want to think about the family evicted from their homes with no where to go? These are not the lives we want to dream about. Well, some might say, because God tells us to… Jesus tells us to, even Paul tells us to. But let’s be honest here, do we always do what we’re told to do? I can tell you for sure I don’t, and in the story Jesus told the rich man didn’t follow Moses or the prophet’s advice very well, either. Even if I did listen to the advice of Jesus, would I even know how to begin imagining what life is like for someone living in a refugee camp in Africa or someone living in prison for a life sentence? I’m not sure I really can. Until I live in someone else’s shoes, I have no idea how hard or how joyous her life may be.
There’s a movie from the 80s some of you might remember, called Trading Places. It has Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy in it. Aykroyd’s character, Louis Winthrop the Third, is a born into wealth commodities broker while Murphy’s character, Billy Ray Valentine, plays a man begging on the streets for money, pretending to be a legless war hero to improve his chances for help. At the start of the movie, the expensively dressed Louis thinks the worst of the scruffy-looking Billy Ray. When they run into each other on the sidewalk, Louis assumes Billy ray was trying to steal his briefcase, calls for the police and presses charges. All Billy Ray was guilty of was trying to help Louis stand and hand him his briefcase. The next day, because of the scheming of two men in power at Louis’ firm, Louis and Billy Ray unknowingly and unwillingly switch places. Billy Ray is offered a job in the brokerage firm and given Louis’s house to live in and servant to work for him. Louis is accused of a crime he didn’t commit, goes to jail, becomes disowned by his friends, and is forced to beg for the help of a prostitute to find a place to sleep and food to eat. I would imagine that for Billy Ray, this turn of events was a dream come true. He surely must have thought what life would be like with all that abundance around him. But did Louis ever dream of becoming accused, abandoned and hungry? Probably not.
The story Jesus shares in Luke 16 is also a story about switching places. A rich man who, after his death, lives for the first time in pain, loneliness and thirst. And a poor man who after suffering his whole life, receives the comfort of being with Abraham after death. I imagine that as long as the rich man had his wealth, he never truly considered what life would be like without his fine linen and sumptuous feasts. I know that when my cupboards are full, it’s hard for me to remember those whose cupboards are empty. When I’m at the store contemplating whether to get cheddar or Monterrey jack cheese, I’m not thinking about people who would think the leftovers starting to mold in my fridge were a feast they’d cherish. So, if we have a hard time following God and Jesus just as the rich man and his brothers had following Moses and the prophets, are we then, like the rich man, doomed to never understand how those around us may be suffering?
There is another way we are reminded of the suffering other’s may be going through. Our own life experience. When I underwent some tests for a potentially terminal condition and waited 6 months to hear a doctor say I wasn’t going to die, I began to understand what others with illnesses that are or may become terminal go through. The agony of waiting, not knowing, feeling like the doctors were giving me the run-around, when really, the doctors were waiting, just like me. And the re-occurring fear that every follow up check will reveal my problems have come back. My experience does not mean I understand everything a woman with breast cancer goes through, or a man with Parkinson’s goes through… but it does mean that I don’t ignore their struggle. It means I ask myself more carefully what it must be like in their shoes. Your life experience may not have potentially terminal diseases in it, but it does have other experiences that help you relate to the strangers you see every day. What kind of struggles do you have in your life? Struggles that make you human, make you closer to others who may appear different in every other way? Have you experienced long periods without food or showers? How about times you felt lost, scared, lonely, or hurt? How do those experiences help you relate to someone you don’t know? Are you able to ask yourself what life must be like in their shoes? I imagine you can and do.
Those moments where you can imagine what life is like for someone else separate us from Louis in Trading Places and the rich man in Jesus’ story. Compassion, caring and action, all in the name of God, through our life experience. Psalm 146 says that God gives food to the hungry, sets the prisoners free, watches over strangers. We, as children of God, are the hands of God acting in the world to do those things.
There may be great chasms dividing us. Differences in income, race, appearance, gender, age, social class DO affect how we treat one another. But we don’t have to wait til death to realize we all experience joy and sorrow, we all are human, trying to get by and be happy.
As the first letter to Timothy says, pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness. Those of us who live richly, with an abundance of food at our table, time in our lives, or energy in our bodies, let us be generous and ready to share. For perhaps, through our own struggles, we can imagine what those with diminished strength, time or energy might be going through. May God bless us on our journey together. Amen.
Friday, May 11, 2007
I'm back...
Well, kinda. I lost my password and my login for the longest time... and was too stupid to follow the breadcrumbs blogger put out for me. I think it was a mental block... anyway... I put a restriction on my myspace page (and blog), so if you're not on my friends list, you can't read my ramblings. sorry. i'll think about writing some stuff on here as well. right now, i'm off to do my 3rd and hopefully last revision of my thesis.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Once again, my blogging has moved
I tried to keep this blog up while keeping up other ones as well... but I've done a rather poor job of it. So, if you're really, really wanting to know what goes on in the wild, wild world of Jaded Mystic... please refer to my myspace blog:
http://blog.myspace.com/jadedmystic42
http://blog.myspace.com/jadedmystic42
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Big Bad Boy of Breakfast Gets Some Luvin
So, my friend Wade has this picture with Big Boy posted on myspace and I just KNEW that the vixenly trio had once posed with that Bad Boy of Breakfast... so, I perused a couple photo albums and VIOLA!
Somewhere in Michigan, I believe, when Ellie was working summer stock theater up there Summer of 2003. Chrystal and I camped out for several days and corrupted some small town with our crazy goodness. I also remember some Waffle Farm or Turkey Farm with an outdoor festival where I purchased jasmine oil from a wiccan chick who flirted with me... Good times... There was also a dinner theater, too, right? hmmm... Who knows? It was pre-seminary, therefore, I barely remember anymore... too many brain cells crammed with complicated useless schtuff.
Karen Armstrong on Speaking of Faith
Speaking of Faith Radio Show interviews Karen Armstrong:
The Freelance Monotheism of Karen Armstrong
For those of you not familiar with this radio program, it's one I highly recommend. It deals with questions about comparative religion, contemporary social and political issues, all in a compassionate, open-minded intellectual way.
I first read Karen Armstrong about 8 years ago in college... The History of God: The 4,000 year quest of Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. It introduced me to the compelling world of comparative religious history... how much alike we are in the search for God and meaning in the world... and how much we can learn from each other. Here's some excerpts from the recent interview that I found to be wonderful (extracted from the weekly newsletter of the show):
On becoming a student and scholar of religions:
"Early on I had a great gift. I was reading a very scholarly and wonderful book about Islam in three volumes, and I lit upon a footnote that explained in very dry academic language what a religious historian was supposed to do. He — I think they assumed it would be a he rather than a she — was supposed to practice what was called 'the science of compassion.' Now science is used here in the sense of scientia, 'knowledge.' So it was a knowledge acquired by compassion. And compassion, of course, doesn't mean feeling sorry for people, pitying people. Compassion, com-pas-sion, means 'to feel with.'
"And in this little footnote, the author said that you must not lead the discussion of a religious idea or a theology or a personality such as Muhammad without being able to find out what lay at the root of this, not to dismiss these ideas out of hand from a superior viewpoint of post-enlightenment, Western rationalism, but to divest yourself of that rationalistic outlook and enter the minds of these mystics and sages and poets and keep on asking, 'But why? But why?' And filling up with scholarly knowledge the background until you come to the point where you can imagine yourself feeling the same, or believing the same as them until basically the intellectual idea learns to reverberate with you personally."
The Freelance Monotheism of Karen Armstrong
For those of you not familiar with this radio program, it's one I highly recommend. It deals with questions about comparative religion, contemporary social and political issues, all in a compassionate, open-minded intellectual way.
I first read Karen Armstrong about 8 years ago in college... The History of God: The 4,000 year quest of Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. It introduced me to the compelling world of comparative religious history... how much alike we are in the search for God and meaning in the world... and how much we can learn from each other. Here's some excerpts from the recent interview that I found to be wonderful (extracted from the weekly newsletter of the show):
On becoming a student and scholar of religions:
"Early on I had a great gift. I was reading a very scholarly and wonderful book about Islam in three volumes, and I lit upon a footnote that explained in very dry academic language what a religious historian was supposed to do. He — I think they assumed it would be a he rather than a she — was supposed to practice what was called 'the science of compassion.' Now science is used here in the sense of scientia, 'knowledge.' So it was a knowledge acquired by compassion. And compassion, of course, doesn't mean feeling sorry for people, pitying people. Compassion, com-pas-sion, means 'to feel with.'
"And in this little footnote, the author said that you must not lead the discussion of a religious idea or a theology or a personality such as Muhammad without being able to find out what lay at the root of this, not to dismiss these ideas out of hand from a superior viewpoint of post-enlightenment, Western rationalism, but to divest yourself of that rationalistic outlook and enter the minds of these mystics and sages and poets and keep on asking, 'But why? But why?' And filling up with scholarly knowledge the background until you come to the point where you can imagine yourself feeling the same, or believing the same as them until basically the intellectual idea learns to reverberate with you personally."
On the essence of religious experience and ideas:
Theology, I think, should be like poetry, a work like the Qur'an.
"Now a poet spends a great deal of time listening to his unconscious and slowly calling up a poem word by word, phrase by phrase, until something beautiful is brought forth, we hope, into the world, that changes people's perceptions. And we respond to a poem emotionally. And I think we should take as great a care when we write our theology as we would if we were writing such a poem, instead of just trotting out an orthodox formula, or an orthodox definition of God, or a catechism answer. So that when people listen to a theological idea, they [should] feel as touched as when they read a great poem by, say, Milton or Dante.
"And we should take as great care with our religious rituals as if we were putting on a great performance at a theater, because that ritual was originally designed to lead us to transcendence, instead of just sort of mechanically going through motions of our various rites and ceremonies. [We should be] trying to make them into something absolutely beautiful and inspiring, because I do see religion as a kind of art form."
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
The end of summer
Yesterday was my last day as a nanny for the Bakker girls. We celebrated the last day of summer for them by going to Chuck E Cheese's with neighbor kids. Talk about craziness! I remember going to one for a surprise 7th birthday party in Phoenix while we were on vacation. Actually I think the trip was for my Grandpa's funeral, or when he just got sick... so they tried to bring a little happiness to the grandkids that day. I have a pic of me with huge eyes and a hand over my mouth cuz I'm so surprised and delighted. Good times.
Joe n I are no more. That's okay. We had a great time this summer and we still care about each other. Just time to move on.
My first day of freedom has been filled with doing dishes and catching up with new and old friends. Keela is coming up this weekend. Mom is coming down to help me clean up a bit and to have some fun on Tuesday. I return to KS with her on Friday and spend the week there at prego Chrystal's. Then on Labor Day weekend I have 3 families from back home visiting me for the Japanese Festival at the MO botanical gardens. It's an awesome time. Then school starts... craziness!!!
Joe n I are no more. That's okay. We had a great time this summer and we still care about each other. Just time to move on.
My first day of freedom has been filled with doing dishes and catching up with new and old friends. Keela is coming up this weekend. Mom is coming down to help me clean up a bit and to have some fun on Tuesday. I return to KS with her on Friday and spend the week there at prego Chrystal's. Then on Labor Day weekend I have 3 families from back home visiting me for the Japanese Festival at the MO botanical gardens. It's an awesome time. Then school starts... craziness!!!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Summer Summary
Tonight was the last night of VBS for UMCGT Church. 3 of us wrote a curriculum for the Heifer Project. The kids were amazing and I enjoyed the chaos and insanity, but am glad at least that part is over. Here's some of the kids at the May musical... another insane endeavor.
I'm still nannying for the summer for the Bakkers in Chesterfield. Kayla (10) and Robin (7) are absolute cuties. We went to Queenie Park last week. Here's a photo from that on the right.
On the 4th of July Holiday I went and visited the Doyle clan in NE Oklahoma. It was great to see all of them again. My dad wasn't there, still too new at his new job to get time off. Neither was Aunt Susan, but I'm sure she'll visit OK soon and i hope to see her then.
Joe n I are going to the lake this weekend, just the 2 of us... I'm sooo looking forward to getting away. Last weekend we had my friend Steph and her beau out for the wineries and picnicing/BBQ and that was awesome. But I need some time with my honey that doesn't involve sleeping... or prepping to meet people.
Friday, April 14, 2006
The Greatest Living Prophet Dies
From the civil rights movement to nuclear disarmament, WS Coffin' s voice encouraged active Christians everywhere.Not that I'm biased or anything, since he's ordained in the UCC. :) Here's the article http://news.ucc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=526&Itemid=54
St. Louis Author Featured
Laurell K. Hamilton is by far my favorite fiction author... a blend of urban fantasy and horror with kick ass, no apologizing lead heroines (or anti-heroines). And from what glimpses of her (public) personality, she's got some of the same practicality and dry wit that drives her characters. She's featured this month in St. Louis Magazine. I'm so addicted to her books... the characters, plots, sub-plots, differences and similarities with our world... from emotional crap of relationships to socio-cultural structures we all participate in.
Monday, April 10, 2006
The school displays creative art talent during convocation next week, so I submitted some poems. Here they be. Following is the reflection I submitted for each piece.
Who sees that I AM?
Eyes watching, hearts loving
seeing only fragments of my whole being,
occasionally glimpsing the light of I AM,
the glue between the bits, like a glowing,
living and viscous medium holding me together.
Yet who or what can see through the web of talents,
strands of traits, and jagged pieces of flaws
to the single thread that is who I AM?
Psalm 94:16-19
Your love for us overwhelms me at times, O God.
Steadfast and enduring,
as enduring as a river through a canyon.
You slowly chip away the hardness in our hearts,
sanding down the hard edges of our personalities,
until only your love remains—
a flowing light, bursting out of our souls
and radiating off our skin.
And all this begins with a reminder
of your steadfast love.
Mother Earth
I knew I loved her at a young age.
She held me as a baby swimming under water,
reveling in the womblike comfort I had almost forgotten.
She caught me as a child when I fell from the sky,
learning the hard way that even I had limits.
She led me to fantastical worlds and places of peaceful solitude,
away from a reality of chaos and discord.
She sat with me in the
sunsets of sorrows
and sunrises of serenity.
Her caresses dried my tears
and held me through despair.
The very sight of her brings me joy beyond measure.
Returning to her is coming home.
Who sees that I AM?--September 2004--Responding not only to the description of God as pure being, I’m also reflecting on what is inside me that is the incarnation of the transcendent and immanent. Transcendent because it is eternal, invisible, and easy to forget that it exists. Immanent because we are always surrounded by that which we cannot see, can barely imagine. It is what sustains life, sustains the very fabric of the universe.
Psalm 94:16-19--August 2003--Just before I entered seminary, I attended one last monastic retreat at the Mount St. Scholastica Benedictine monastery in Kansas, where I had been receiving spiritual direction for 2 years. Lectio divina, in private and in groups, is one of the practices I learned there. Upon reflecting on these 3 verses in such a manner, this prayer of thanksgiving emerged. As seen in this poem, even before taking Professor McCann’s classes, the Hebrew word hesed (steadfast love) was at the core of my experience of God.
Mother Earth--September 2004--Most people who have been around me long enough begin to realize how deeply rooted my faith is to my relationship with nature. To me, nature is not just a gift from God, it is part of God’s manifestation, incarnational presence, here on earth. The companionship, nurturing, and solace I find surrounded by the very essence of the Creator is breath-taking, intense, and everlasting. For me, Mother imagery of God resonates better with this experience and I express that here.
(please ask me first before using any of my poems... or any other writing, for that matter.)
Thursday, March 30, 2006
UCC Ad Campaign and Media Challenge
 Mainline churches should be silent while Religious Right political leaders get to speak their mind? Do you care? |
Monday, March 27, 2006
Bahamian Beach Babe Returns to St. Louis
Well, we're back from FUN IN THE SUN. More info on the mayhem ensued to follow. Right now I must cram for the mid-term exams I ignored while working on my sunburn... I mean, my tan.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Birthday Party at the DMV
So, I just spent the morning of my 28th birthday at the DMV getting a new driver's license... I would have rather spent it in the hands of a torture specialist driving bamboo shoots under my fingernails (I know, Regan needs to stay away from those scary movies).
First off it is RAINING on MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'm MISS SUNSHINE!!! Rain depresses me and makes my hair turn into a kinky curly frizz ball and my mood turn a little grumpy.... ok, a lot grumpy.
Then, the poor people who have to work at the Social Security office (did I mention that I had to replace my SS Card to get a new DL?) and the DMV have had all the smiles and good cheer stomped right out of them by annoyed pissed off patrons... and while I am an expert, in fact THE EXPERT, in making grumpy people smile and like me, it's hard to give a flying fig when they're asking you to put your face on an eye exam thingy that has touched millions of dirty faces, asking your WEIGHT and then taking a picture of a grumpy lumpy frizz ball who is A LOT heavier than the last DL picture taken years ago that will be shown to HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of people for the next 6 years... AND they took my old license. :(.... I actually looked good in that picture.
This has not been the best birthday ever... and it's not even noon yet.
First off it is RAINING on MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'm MISS SUNSHINE!!! Rain depresses me and makes my hair turn into a kinky curly frizz ball and my mood turn a little grumpy.... ok, a lot grumpy.
Then, the poor people who have to work at the Social Security office (did I mention that I had to replace my SS Card to get a new DL?) and the DMV have had all the smiles and good cheer stomped right out of them by annoyed pissed off patrons... and while I am an expert, in fact THE EXPERT, in making grumpy people smile and like me, it's hard to give a flying fig when they're asking you to put your face on an eye exam thingy that has touched millions of dirty faces, asking your WEIGHT and then taking a picture of a grumpy lumpy frizz ball who is A LOT heavier than the last DL picture taken years ago that will be shown to HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of people for the next 6 years... AND they took my old license. :(.... I actually looked good in that picture.
This has not been the best birthday ever... and it's not even noon yet.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Mother Wisdom Speaks
Here's a poem that has meant a lot to me over the past few years. I've been thinking about it and my sense of the feminine aspects of the divine, nature, and reality quite a bit lately. Maybe it's the coming of spring.
I first encountered this poem on a monastic retreat while I was uncertain of my future and health. The possibility of life-risking surgery, not knowing if I could keel over and die at any moment, whether I was going blind, or might have irreversible brain damage.... All scary things. The high level of risk is over, but the knowledge of how fragile a balance life is has remained with me.
The line that helps me the most is: Nothing you need will be lost. This poem and that retreat reminded me that all I have now and will have in the future will be sufficient for my life. Faith, family, friends... and most importantly, God... my mother, father, mentor, healer, sustainer, friend, and guide.
Mother Wisdom Speaks
by Christine Lore Webber
Some of you I will hollow out.
I will make you a cave.
I will make you so deep the stars will shine in your darkness.
You will be a bowl.
You will be the cup in the rock collecting rain.
I will hollow you out with knives.
I will not do this to make you clean.
I will not do this to make you pure.
You are clean already.
You are pure already.
I will do this because the world needs the hollowness of you.
I will do this for the space that you will be.
I will do this because you must be large.
A bowl.
People will eat from you and their hunger will not weaken them unto death.
A cup to catch the sacred rain.
My daughter, do not cry.
Do not be afraid.
Nothing you need will be lost.
I am shaping you.
I am making you ready.
Light will glow in your hollowing.
You will be filled with light.
Your bones will shine.
The round, open center of you will be radiant.
I will call you Brilliant One.
I will call you Daughter Who Is Wide.
I will call you Transformed.
Monday, February 13, 2006
STOP THE QUIZZES
Hello, my name is Jaded Mystic... and I'm a Quizaholic. I won't even tell you how many quizzes I took today. But I learned so much about myself. That I'm most like Carrie on Sex and the City, that my bra color personality is red, that... well, you get the picture.
You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer |
 "We saved the world. I say we have to party." |
Saturday, February 11, 2006
maybe i should retake it.
So, I took a religion test at quiz farm... it says i should check out buddhism. hmmmm.... I have and do and still I choose (progressive) Christianity... Beliefnet.com says I should be liberal Quaker. That I could live with.
Now, another quiz I took is looking at different models of the church that Dulles suggests. it's rather interesting, and I think a little more productive for a seminarian, at least.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
Now, another quiz I took is looking at different models of the church that Dulles suggests. it's rather interesting, and I think a little more productive for a seminarian, at least.
 | You scored as Servant Model. Your model of the church is Servant. The mission of the church is to serve others, to challenge unjust structures, and to live the preferential option for the poor. This model could be complemented by other models that focus more on the unique person of Jesus Christ.
What is your model of the church? [Dulles] created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Awkward Aarvarks Ate Apples in Atlanta
Wow. It's been a while since I've blogged... almost to the point of being awkward, kind of like the friend you haven't seen in a long time and things have changed so much you have nothing to say... AND everything that has changed doesn't seem so spectacular, so why mention it?
But then, I'm not known for letting a little awkward shyness stop me from opening my mouth. :)
I'm looking at the word awkward and thinking how appropriate it is for its meaning... what a cumbersome and odd looking little word. You'd think it'd be describing some exotic animal like an aardvark or a platypus. If awkward were an animal, I think it would look kinda like a cross between an oppossum and a three-toed sloth... probably living in the wilds of city dumps, eating only food with lots of hydrogenated oils. It's mating call would be similar to the vibrating whine sound my car makes when a belt is loose. *See, why be awkward over not knowing what to say when Regan is around? She'll find some BS to talk about. ;)
Hard to believe, but there are times when I just don't have much to say. I'd rather just do my sudoku in peace and let all the drama of politics, family crises, career making decisions, etc. fly right over my head. Escapist... me? NEVER! So, I'm going to go and finish my sudoku, maybe a crossword or two, and just pretend like this never happened, k?
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Hallmark cards, Theism, and Atheism
So, my friends and I have been doing some major research into alternative forms of church and ministry... looking at ways that we may put into action a concept for a church start/mission church idea outside of the box of traditional ministry.
In order to see what it is that people may really want, I've been asking many of the discussion boards I belong to this question.
If you were to start your own church, what would it be like?
I've really enjoyed hearing people's responses, so let me know what you think, as well.
Another interesting discussion I'm having is in my process theism class. GASP! What's that, you say? Well, I'm too tired to explain it in detail at the moment, but it takes the philosophy developed by Whitehead (mentioned before) and applies it to understanding of God and reality.
Anyway, in this class, we listened/read the credo "I believe there is no God" by Penn Jillette, the tall guy of Penn and Teller. It's very compelling and something to chew on. Here's a quote:
“I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies,
rainbows, and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough…
It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. ”
In order to see what it is that people may really want, I've been asking many of the discussion boards I belong to this question.
If you were to start your own church, what would it be like?
I've really enjoyed hearing people's responses, so let me know what you think, as well.
Another interesting discussion I'm having is in my process theism class. GASP! What's that, you say? Well, I'm too tired to explain it in detail at the moment, but it takes the philosophy developed by Whitehead (mentioned before) and applies it to understanding of God and reality.
Anyway, in this class, we listened/read the credo "I believe there is no God" by Penn Jillette, the tall guy of Penn and Teller. It's very compelling and something to chew on. Here's a quote:
“I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies,
rainbows, and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough…
It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. ”