1 Corinthians 13
13If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,* but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror, dimly,* but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
This scripture is usually read at weddings, because weddings are about love, or should be at least. However, grieving and loss are about love as well. To be grieving a loss means you have experienced some type of love or caring in your life. If we think of the grief in our lives as a pool of emotions, including love, then every time we enter an experience of loss, we add drops or floods of grief to the pool, depending on how close we are to the loss.
I think of that image often in moments of loss. I think about what all goes into that pool to make such an intense experience. So many emotions and memories and regrets and hopes are added to the mix. Often there is anger, sometimes for being left behind alone, sometimes for unresolved arguments. Often there is guilt or regret; those “if only” statements that haunt us when we try to go to sleep. There is the sense of shock or disbelief that the future you imagined with your loved one can no longer happen. And unanswerable questions can plague us… “What is the meaning of all this? What is the point of life if there is death and suffering? Who am I now that they are gone?” We may even have questions about God and faith may be shaken.
But in our emotional shock or despair, we can forget about the most important ingredients of that pool. Gratitude that this person touched our lives, no matter how briefly. Gratitude that this person is not suffering anymore. The Joy that that person brought to our lives. And, of course, most important ingredient of all is Love. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
However, love is not just about pink hearts and red roses. Love can be a struggle and can hurt sometimes too. 1 Corinthians 13 is referenced when we celebrate all the warm fuzzies that come with love (like at weddings). But I also think of all the fights I heard my now divorced parents having and the huge fights my mom and I had when I was a teenager. We’re all human. We all make mistakes and for some, saying the words “I love you” is hard. But love is what keeps us together even when things aren’t pretty.
Paul says “Love never ends”. Our bodies will come to an end, our knowledge and ability to communicate may come to an end. The world we know will come to an end someday. But Love never ends. Life and death are mysteries we may never fully understand. In fact, we may never fully understand love. But as the scripture says, we are nothing without love. Love is what gives life meaning. Our relationships with one another and the feelings that evokes is what makes this crazy scary world worthwhile.
Paul tries to define what love should be… “patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.” These are things we not only strive for, but also greatly desire in our relationships. And it is also what we greatly miss or regret about lost relationships. We are greatly impacted by the loss of that companion or confidant that you know loved you as well as the loved one that you regret harmful things said or done.
Because of the love that came from your relationship with the one who has passed, you are transformed into someone new and different than before you knew them. Their love is a part of you and the memories that are stored inside you guide and teach you along the way of your journey.
Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Because these are a part of love, then they are also a part of grief. Within that pool of mixed emotions and experiences is also endurance, faith, and hope. Maybe you have already felt these things in your life, or perhaps it isn’t time to swim in that part of the pool yet. But they are there. We do not know much about the future, but we do know that we will not be the same people we are now, swimming in the pool of grief. For remember, love never ends. Love endures all things. “And now faith, hope, and love abide, and the greatest of these is love.” Amen.
