Candle Lighting Memorial Service

Here is a memorial service for our hospice that I put together. The opening lines and the prayer have bits that are borrowed or rephrased from someone else. The reflection message is mine.

Introduction: Good afternoon. It is good to see you all here. This service is to remember and celebrate the lives of people that we at S_hospice have cared about. This includes patients we cared for as well as family and friends of our staff members. We appreciate you being here for this service. After the service, there will be a reception in a room across the lobby from us. We hope that you will stay and visit with us. For some of you, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen you. After the service, we invite you to take one of the poinsettias decorating the front. This is our gift to you for the holiday season.

Opening: Please join me in the opening words printed inside your bulletin.

In the hallways of my memories and the canyons of my heart,
I will always remember you.
In the soft snow of winter and the glow of Christmas,
I will always remember you.
In the dawn of spring and the dawn of fall,
I will always remember you.
On birthdays, anniversaries, and ordinary days,
I will always remember you.
When I am lonely and tempted to be bitter,
I will always remember you.
When I am disheartened and confused,
I will always remember you.
When good news is too good to keep to myself,
I will always remember you.
In the candlelight of Christmas night,
I will always remember you.


Reading:
1 Corinthians 13
13If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,* but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 13And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Message:
In order to feel loss and grief, we must have first loved. One consequence from loving someone is missing them when they are gone. Sometimes that sorrow can be so heavy, that we forget the other consequences of love. We forget the ecstatic joy of feeling connected to someone so special. We forget the bond that forms from years and years of spending time together, wading through life’s moments together. We forget hard won trust and faith in each other.

Sometimes it isn’t that we forget these things, but that the loss of them is so powerful that the memory is too much to bear. It weighs heavy in our minds and makes getting through day to day activities hard. Life moves on without us in small or big ways and it seems the world keeps on wanting to move us and change when we just want to stay put.

Sometimes, though, other emotions get in the way. Guilt and anger being the most common, are really the opposite ends of the same emotion. From an early age I’ve been taught to take on the responsibility of things I have no control over and that of course brings about guilt. And sometimes guilt never really makes sense up here, but we can’t ignore it in here. The other end of the spectrum is anger, which usually entails blaming someone for something, whether it is his fault or not. Anger also doesn’t always make sense.

All of these things I’ve mentioned are part of the roller coaster of grief and we all ride it differently. Grief is something that everyone goes through, but is different for each person as well.

What I want to lift up today is the thought that our grief is part of a valuable gift, the gift of love. For anyone who’s loved someone, you know that love does not mean you never get angry and want to strangle that person. It doesn’t mean that you don’t get sad or disappointed or need some time away from them. Love includes all of this and it also includes all that Paul talks about in his letter to the Corinthians: kindness, patience, acceptance, endurance, and belief. And these are the things we hold valuable in our love, even after death.

As we enter the holiday season, the grief that comes with love will be strong at times, but the opportunity to remember the precious parts, the kindness, patience, acceptance, endurance and belief will also be there. I encourage you to embrace those memories. But if it’s not time yet, that’s okay. January is just around the corner and all the music and decorations that trigger grief will be gone. But your love will not. Because love endures all things. Love never ends.


Candlelighting:
With all the darkness in our lives, love is the flame that lights the way. Light is a symbol of life and love in many religions throughout the world and time. Today we light a candle in memory of the flame that each of these people represented in our lives. Many people were not able to attend today but asked that we light a candle for their loved one. Two of our staff will be saying the names. When your loved one’s name is said, please have one person from your family come up to light the candle. Take the candle lighter from the staff person and light the candle. Then, say one word or phrase that summarizes who that person is to you or the memory you have of them. If you cannot think of a word or phrase to say, that’s okay. Hand back the candle lighter and sit down. Staff members will light the candles for those absent.

Moment of Silence

Prayer:
God, you gave us the ability to love, to remember, to honor and to miss those in our lives. Open our hearts and eyes to see more clearly, to remember more honestly, and to love in new ways. Give us the ability to celebrate the lives we miss while we also voice our grief and sadness. Give us strength to trust You when we cannot understand. Strengthen our belief in the power of your love and the life ever after. Amen.

Blessing:
May the love you feel for those gone light your way and may the love you feel for those still here give you joy, and may the love of those you have yet to meet give you hope. Go in peace.