Why Hospice? Part 1: People Pleaser

In honor of National Hospice Month, I'd like to share some thoughts percolating in my mind. I want to reflect on why I am a hospice chaplain. Today's theme is about being an emotional caregiver.

I am a minister and emotional caregiver because I took to heart something a counselor told me as a teenager. She told me that the personality traits that appear as weaknesses or flaws can become our greatest strengths as well. I know, it sounds like self-help yoda-like drivel. And yet, it wouldn't sound so cheesy if there weren't truth to it. People say those things over and over and you just roll your eyes... until that one day when your soul is exposed and your heart emptied, waiting to be filled. And for whatever reason that bit of wisdom which you've heard with your brain is finally heard by the deep well within your heart. In other words, it is an "AHA!" moment. And she was the one to give me the wisdom at the exact time I was ready to hear it with my heart.

I truly believe that my vulnerabilities are my greatest strengths now. And the one that helps me as a hospice chaplain is sometimes called being a people-pleaser. There are other names for it: being a chameleon, being  co-dependent, sometimes it manifests as being an over-functioner or a clingy hover-er. But I think it all comes down to the gift of empathy... or perhaps an intuitve emotion-reader.

So, I took to heart those words and transformed my empathy (that had once converted me into a introverted invisible ghost) into a useful tool, an instrument towards changing and shaping the world for the better. When I was a child absorbing the emotions in a room, I had no clue how to analyze, interpret and respond to them. Whether you call it an intuitive gift or a keen sense to the subtle clues like body language and voice inflection, it is something that has always been a part of me. I would become overwhelmed by it and the only way I knew how to protect myself was to either keep the people in the room happy or to shut down emotionally.

But since seeing that counselor in high school, I have continuously strove towards understanding how people interrelate -what makes each person tick and what happens when 2 or more people are in a room together as well as the how and why of it all.  Most of all, I aimed for goals to understand myself better, to strengthen the gifts I have and challenge myself to overcome obstacles.  I now know boundaries and have channeled my gifts towards easing the emotional burden of those facing death and/or experiencing loss. It takes advantage of my strengths while helping me transform something that could be harmful (pleasing people to the point of self-harm) into a beautiful tool to help others.

The journey towards personal transformation is a lifetime pursuit. While I feel good about where I am, I also know that the people I meet can teach so much more than I can imagine.  I feel blessed by the fertile ground hospice provides for transformation and serenity. The next installment will answer why am i a spiritual care provider.