Oh what clever timing the Universe has. Preparing my heart for humility just as a horrible atrocity hits our world in Japan while the season of Lent brings reflection of our own limitedness... These things have allowed for humility instead of rage and anger to fill my heart.
I no longer spend hours and hours of my time fighting the establishment on issues such as nuclear power and development, but that doesn't mean it is less important to my heart. Natural disaster is not something we have control over and often society chooses to ignore the implications of what will happen when we can't control something as volatile as nuclear power. We are indestructible gods of our world, we are the ultimate creation of evolution, we are the subduer of nature and humanity. Blech. Just thinking it makes me sick with its self-righteous bloated sense of entitlement and superiority. Why does it take people dying, suffering, and facing horrible atrocity for us to wake up?
My heart breaks for the people of Japan and what they are facing. The trauma of so many sudden deaths and destroyed homes is awful enough. Now they have a long term catastrophe that not only creates fear and anxiety for their own lives right now, but threatens their future and their children's future as well. I see others contemplating this and others taking action to halt the development of nuclear power and it makes me even crazier with grief. Yes, there is a lesson for us to learn from this. But the chaplain in me says, WAIT, let us be there for those suffering in their time of need and not immediately objectify them into a learning moment. If anything, being with them in this catastrophe should compel us to deeper self-examination and not just a blame game or a political statement.
The need for power overrides our common sense. I cannot just blame some larger power structure for this. The need for more and more energy to fuel our insatiable appetites created this problem. Obama's energy plan would not include such large amounts of nuclear development if there weren't a higher demand for energy than our world can provide naturally. I sit here in a room lit and temperature controlled with a clock ticking, a computer humming, a cell phone buzzing, clothes, makeup, products surrounding me that take disgusting amounts of energy to produce. I picked up my breakfast at fast food place that probably uses more energy in a day than my house uses in a month... and I do so complicitly, acknowledging it and yet doing nothing about it.. or at least doing less than I could about it.
Our house is as energy effiecient as we can afford to make it (to make changes is expensive) and we implement a new idea when we hear about it. We recycle, reuse, buy bulk when we can, and have a compost for our food waste. We do not throw away clothes or anything that can be donated, and of all our appliances, cars and furniture, only our computer was bought brand new (most hand-me-downs and not bought at all). We go to the library weekly and (mostly)resist the urge to expand our own library of books, DVDs and music through purchasing them. Sometimes I convince myself that my life is intentional because I do these things. But surely these things should be what we assumptively include in our lives, not something we deserve an award for. What else can I be doing? What else am I taking for granted and really could be less of a consumer and waster of energy? How are my actions contributing to the corporate sin that allowed this atrocity to occur?
How may I seek forgiveness for my own complicity and responsibility for what is happening to and in the world?
With a humble heart, I pray for the healing of Japan, the compassion of God to shine through us all, and most of all, I pray for deeper self-understanding and transformation.
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