Choice C: Neither Evil Queen Nor Innocent Maiden

I love watching these old fairy tales I learned thorugh Disney's distorted eyes be reinterpreted and given twists to keep the story fresh. Watching Snow White and Huntsmen sparked reflection about gender roles and Disney princesses. The most basic theme to draw from this movie is that the only power females have are purity and beauty. And the ultimate power is to have both. Purity and beauty is the inspiration for men to war, for people to unite, and the only way hope transcends despair.

That in and of itself is enough to make watching a beautifully put together story torture. But I started wondering  what the allure was for watching Disney princesses as a young girl. I remember the stories taught me a very twisted view of gender roles, one that I thought empowered me and made me truly stronger and more powerful in my submissive and secondary status.  Brute strength and domination were okay for men, because, really, they can’t help themselves. I was taught to almost feel sorry for the simple and primal natures of man and celebrate how women can be above such earthly things.  Women gain power and control through purity and beauty. The catch is, of course, neither of these things are always in our control, are they? A man can force himself on a woman and her purity no longer exists and preferences for physical beauty are at the whim of those who control public favor. And while men and boys are comparing themselves against an impossible caricature of physical strength bringing them power, women are striving to perfect some ideal of beauty and/or purity that society told them would also bring them power.

Today, we recognize, yet are still trapped within, the twisted and tangled  sexualization and objectification of such roles and desires.  But, as a young girl, I wasn’t thinking with my hormones, I was thinking with my heart and my mind. I wanted acceptance and love. I wanted respect and attention, and I was learning how to achieve those things through mimicking the role models given to me. In Snow White, the two women are both beautiful and gain power from the inspiration such beauty gives those around them. However, the impure Queen has an insatiable appetite for strength over men and being in control,  while Snow White is the epitome of purity suffering through darkness and wins the hearts of men through selfless acts of sacrifice and goodness.  The righteous and pure woman who has beauty and desires to never have power will be given the most power and respect. Snow White did not earn her throne, it was given to her by those who felt she was worthy, while the Queen stole the throne from the King by killing him.  A woman who is empowered is impure and evil. Snow White's more acceptable journey into queendom is through maintaining her innocence despite temptations and exposure to reality. She woos men of all kinds with her innocence and beauty, the power she holds with these  traits conquers the evil of an empowered decisive woman destroying the kingdom.

 Keep your head down, work hard, be pretty but not slutty, be selfless and compassionate to the point of self-harm, and never expect any good to come to you… and then all the riches of the kingdom, all the loyalty of men and society will be yours. How in the world does that make sense? And, yet, ask many of the women raised on these Woman's Day post-World War Two emphasized gender roles, and they will recognize this twisted sense of shame and subversive empowerment.  Not that this illogic doesn't run farther back into the past, but these are the current interpretations.

 

So they can put Snow White into pants and armor, they can even give her a sword so the huntsman can spank her behind with it, but the story doesn't really change. Women have their roles to fill and men as well. Women and men can both have power, but the only good power women can have is through beauty and purity, never through intelligence, strength, or control, all of which will corrupt girls and women. That is the lesson these stories teach us.

 As a young girl, I already realized that those stories of princesses were a fantasy that did not match reality. I already had learned that we do not always control things such as beauty and purity. I learned hard truths that gender roles others may want us to have are not conducive to survival or real life. Women must take care of themselves, must protect themselves, and make decisions that are not always sweet and innocent. But, oh, how I longed for them to be true! I longed for there to be a dashing Prince Charming that would take all my cares away, if only I could live up to that ideal of perfect beauty and purity. And, oh, how easy it was to embrace the simplicity of such a way of thinking, a way that explains why it felt like no one loved me or paid attention to me… because I'm not pretty, special or sweet enough. Such twisted logic provides meaning and purpose without having to do any real thinking.

 The question is, then, how do we fight such pervasive models within society? Like a cigarette ad implying that smoking will bring you sex appeal and fortune, these gender roles both are persuasive and appealing -- even though they make no sense.

While it may seem that media has all the power over our self-image, the most influential voices in our heads and hearts are those we know, those who tell us repeatedly the same message. Our families, especially our parents may help lay the foundation. However, those of us that do not meet other's expectations will often seek out those examples that model who we feel  most comfortable being. We are not passive sponges that can only take the feedback that is offered to us; we are able to take active roles in developing who we want to be. Granted, fears of judgment and rejection are mighty strong barriers, but they are not impenetrable. And there are choices that are out of our hands,  parts of our lives we are just born with or which are determined by others.

I had no choice  in second grade when my counselors pulled me from the advanced math curriculum but kept me in advanced reading. Instead of addressing the issues of my home life, they saw my flagging grades as a sign I'm not interested or perhaps even capable of keeping up with advanced math. But I did have a choice later in high school, when I took the advanced and accelerated math classes and finished high school with college credits in calculus. The class was overwhelmingly male and we all fit stereotypes of nerds and geeks in one way or the other.  But we thrived in a place where we were encouraged to be different. Such an experience helped me to embrace parts of myself other experiences told me were not important or desired in young women.

 Another instance where  I stepped out of my comfort zone, the role as the klutzy non-athletic bookworm, began in college. I took a self-defense class to for practical reasons and discovered true talents and skills in martial arts. I spent my entire life up to that point convinced that I would never be accomplished in any sport or exercise, that I not only lacked the coordination, but also the discipline and desire. But witnessing the 4 women with black belts teaching the class, realizing each one not only was a misfit physically, but also highly skilled and confident in her art, made me realize I could be as well.  Years later, I proved my decades old self-image wrong by obtaining my black belt.

Grief overwhelms me when I think of the tug of war that every child and adult experiences between self-definition and society's definitions. It's not by any means a new struggle. And I'm afraid that it will never disappear, either. But, oh, how I rejoice when I see a child discover the strength of her difference, realizing that which sets her apart is not embarrassing or shameful, but helps define her as important and valuable.

 

Still, the world has changed since I was a child. Embracing diversity and uniqueness are traits present in our society. There are many groups out there that support our struggle for self-definition free of society's pressures. For example, The Princess Free Zone encourages parents and other adults to let their children define their own gender roles instead of assuming the standard is what they are or want to be.

 

 

So while reasons for my grief still exist, there is also hope- hope that we can surpass the easy route of assumption and judgment and embrace values that hold up our unique complicated selves as important and valuable.